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The Working Parents Survival Guide

Working Parents' Survival Guide

by Dr. Sandra Scarr

The Working Parents' Survival Guide is not intended to provide all the answers to parents. Instead, its purpose is to provide information about being a working parent in the 1990s and how to make it work.

Survival Tips for Dealing with Children

1. Don't get caught up in all the "little things."

If your child only wants to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each day, let him eat them. He will outgrow this phase. While you may get tired of his food choices, he'll get the nutrition he needs if you can vary his food choices. Or, if your child only wants to wear purple pants, a green shirt, and sandals to school, let him. This is not to say parents should let their children make the rules. But, if it doesn't endanger the child's health, ask yourself what harm does it bring?

2. Communicate with your childcare provider.

Take time in the morning, afternoon, or at lunchtime to talk to your child care provider. If you can keep the lines of communication open beyond the rush to drop off or pick your child up, you'll have a much better feeling about your child's development and well-being.

3. Be honest and up front with your child about going to child care.

Be enthusiastic, read books about it, visit the center with your child before the first day, and encourage her to ask questions. Your attitude will shape your child's expectations and experiences.

4. Be open to new ideas.

If you have an early morning meeting and it takes your child an hour to decide what to wear in the morning, consider letting him sleep in the clothes he'll wear the next day. He might think it's fun and you'll be at work on time.

5. Don't panic if/when your child cries when you leave.

Young children don't understand what "I'll be back later" means. As your child grows older, she will begin to understand that you'll return for her at the end of the day. With older children, reassure them that you'll return. Never sneak away. You're trying to build your child's trust, not break it down.

6. Accept help.

When your neighbor, mom, sister offers to watch the kids, pick them up from childcare, let them. They wouldn't offer if they didn't mean it.

7. Keep duplicates of "vital stuff."

Extra blankets, diapers, clothes, and pacifiers will come in handy in a panic.

8. Get organized.

Of course, this is always easier said than done; however, the more organized you are, the simpler your busy life will be. Plan a menu for the week, cook extra so there are leftovers, pack the diaper bag the night before.

Tips for You

If you don't take care of yourself, who will?

1. Abandon the idea of the perfect home.

A perfectly clean house, nutritionally balanced meals, clean well-dressed children, and a thriving career is an unrealistic standard that will cause you unnecessary strain. Give yourself a break and concentrate on what's important.

2. Hire out any help you can afford.

If you feel you have too much to do, consider getting help with the laundry, house-cleaning, and household work. It will be money well-spent.

3. Don't be afraid to order in or pick up dinner.

Fast food occasionally will not be harmful.

4. Take a hot bath.

Consider lighting some candles, put in some bath beads, and grab a good book. Remember, most kids will avoid the bath like the plague.

5. Plan an afternoon date without the kids.

Go to a movie, visit a new restaurant, or go to a museum. Going away during the afternoon feels like "playing hooky," which can relieve some of your stress.

6. Indulge in a harmless vice.

Tape a soap opera, pick up the tabloids, read a romance novel, or eat cotton candy. This will allow you to escape once in a while.

7. Create a parent-babysitting co-op.

One Saturday a month, invite your neighbor's children over to spend the night. Next, weekend, they reciprocate. It's free, the children get to have friends over, and you get an evening out.

Five Reasons To Feel Great about Child Care

For most working parents, one of the biggest decisions you'll make is what child care option is best for your child. Choosing a good, quality child care provider and having confidence in your choice will give you peace of mind that money can't buy. Remember that childcare can be great for your child as your child will benefit from interactions with other children and age-appropriate educational programs that will prepare her for school.

1. Children learn sharing, cooperation, and problem solving sooner at child care centers.

Research shows that children who receive quality child care tend to be ahead of other children intellectually and developmentally.

2. Working mothers spend the same amount of time in direct interaction with their children as full-time mothers.

Employed mothers spend as much time reading to and playing with their children as those at home, although they do not spend as much time simply in the same room or house with the children. Studies show that working women do not sacrifice time with their children; they sacrifice their own sleep and leisure time.

3. Children benefit from trusting relationships with more than one caregiver.

Research has shown that babies with more than one attachment are less distressed when mother leaves for work, they are more playful and content in the presence of other adults, and are less distracted at the birth of a sibling.

4. A parent-child relationship is not necessarily stronger if mom stays home.

Research shows that children in child care show the same degree of attachment to their mothers and the same amount of security as children with mothers who stay home.

5. If working makes you happy, your children will be happier.

Working mothers who like their jobs have better personal adjustments, are happier, and are less depressed than full-time mothers, even those who prefer being home. Depressed mothers have depressing effects on their children.

How To Choose Quality Child Care

When choosing a child care center, it is essential that you be well-informed. The following checklist is designed to help you make a well-informed decision about your child care provider. Generally, when you find a few indicators of quality, you are likely to find more. Likewise, the opposite is true. Take the checklist to the provider. Visit during the morning or late afternoon (naptime is not a good time to observe). The more you take your time to make the decision, the better you'll feel in the long run.

The Center/Family Child Care Home:

• Is the center licensed?
  
  
• Is it safe? Are detergents, medicines and other chemicals out of reach of children? Are the electrical outlets covered? Is the outdoor equipment on a protective surface?
  
  
• Is there indoor and outdoor space for both quiet and active play and learning?
  
  
• Do the rooms provide safe and age-appropriate toys, educational materials, and equipment? Do materials for babies and preschoolers include books, blocks of various sizes and shapes for independent play, dolls, stuffed animals, and puppets for social play? Can the staff discuss which materials are age-appropriate for your child?
  
  
• Does outdoor equipment encourage active play?
  
  
• Are there suitable napping accommodations?
  
  
• Is the space quiet, well-ventilated and supervised?
  
  
• Is there a clean, cheerful, properly equipped infant/toddler area?
  
  
• Is there an outdoor play area specifically for infants/toddlers?
  
  
• Are there formal procedures for child pick-up?
  
  
• Are the children greeted enthusiastically by the caregivers?
  
  
• Are the children given warm good-byes?  
  
  
• Are the meals nutritionally balanced and child-friendly?
  
  
• Are there scheduled parent conferences and progress reports?
  
  
• Are parents welcome and encouraged to visit anytime?

The Staff

• Do you and your child feel comfortable with and confident in the center director?
  
  
• Is the teaching staff enthusiastic?
  
  
• Has the provider had training in chid care methods and developmental learning?
  
  
• Is the staff warm and responsive to the children's needs?
  
  
• Do caregivers use every opportunity to talk with infants and preschoolers?
  
  
• Is the staff supported by professional resources?
  
  
• Are strict hand washing procedures explained and reinforced?
  
  
• Does the center have strict procedures for hiring caregivers?
  
  
• Are applicants carefully screened by the director prior to hiring?

The Curriculum

• Does the center have a written curriculum for your review?
  
  
• Is the curriculum age-appropriate? Are toddlers encouraged to explore and work on early language skills? Are infants introduced to different shapes, colors, and sizes? Can the staff review what learning programs are available to your child?
  
  
• Are the activities designed to enhance the development of the whole child?
  
  
• Is there appropriate stimulation and nurturing of the infant/toddler?
  
  
• Is there an emphasis on physical fitness?
  
  
• Are there regular times of the day for music, reading, outdoor play, creative expression, free play and time alone?

The Children

• Are the children happy and engaged in activities?
  
  
• Are the children kept reasonably clean?
  
  
• Do the children have opportunities to play in group activities?
  
  
• Do the children have opportunities to make individual choices of how to spend time?

Courtesy of the National Parent Information Network. http://www.npin.org/

Reprinted with permission.

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